SAMI, MY BELOVED SCHNAUZER

Sami was my 14-year old Schnauzer… as dear to me as any human I have ever known. He died in my arms, but not until my ego released him. The long night that he struggled, I held him and prayed. First I prayed for him to be the soldier I knew him to be, and to come back to me. That was my “Mommy-ego” telling me “who will I be without my beloved Sami?” “How can I let him go?” Later, as midnight passed and the new day began, I realized that the Sami I had known and loved was not the Sami I had in my arms. I realized that he could not face this new day or any other day to come. My ego released me, and my prayers of selfishness changed to those of supplication to take him. These were not like the prayers I normally pray, as I am one who asks God to help me in His time, on His terms. No, these were urgent prayers, pleading for Sami's deliverance back to pain-free, carefree puppyhood. I asked for intercession from everyone who had gone before him. And finally I spoke to Sami and told him to let go. To stop fighting. To take his passage as the reward for the life he had lived. To go in peace. Sami began to cling to me as he wrapped his paws around my arm, and I knew he knew I was ready to let him go. Saying goodbye was not easy for either of us, but he had prepared us with his recent decline, and had known that seeing his diminished form would let me see that neither of us wanted him to live that way, and would give me the courage to release him. I have never been so relieved that a prayer was answered. When he died, I cleaned him and set him in his bed, and waited for the vet to open. I brought him in, and told her that I was willing to donate his body if it would help other families. My wonderful vet, probably seeing that I needed the help more, offered a private cremation so I could have Sami with me, and I responded that I would rather take him home and bury him. Surprisingly, she agreed, and I went to my favorite nursery for a rose bush to plant especially for him. Finding a rose named "Macho Man," I bought it and brought it home with him. As Sami was "asleep" in his bed, I spent the next hour doing the therapeutic work of digging. With each shovel full of dirt, first with a shovel and then with a hand spade, I marked another memory of our times together. I set 4 spots out - one for Sami, one for his guardian rose, one for a lovely Schnauzer statue some friends had bought me years ago, and the last for a garden stone engraved "Beloved Pet." As I surrendered to this last task of burying my beloved dog, I drifted back to the memories of our times together, and silently, with each spadeful, recounted with gratitude and love all that Sami had brought into my life. So many years. So many memories. Such a loving companion. Not really gone, because each lesson of love, loyalty and life was written on my heart. Now I can look out into my yard and know that Sami is with me. His spirit, his love, and his loyalty will never leave my mind. As time passes, I will forget his struggles and remember the fun times. And I will always be comforted in the thought that he has been released to his eternal reward. If we really pay attention, the lessons of life we learn from our pets teach us all we have to know. Perhaps it was in Sami’s passing that I was enlightened to the ultimate lesson about life-changing lessons. When we humans teach a lesson, we have words, actions, money, things, and our ability to move in the world independently to create change. When our beloved pets teach a lesson, all they have is love. Until we meet again, Sami, thank you for teaching me all I ever needed to know.