FRANK AND BENJAMIN

NY Times Columnist David Brooks has reached out to readers over 70 years of age for "essays about their own lives and what they’d done poorly and well. They make for fascinating and addictive reading."

The following is my comment on The Life Report: Frank H. Wheeler. http://brooks.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/16/the-life-report-frank-h-wheeler/

In the movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” a story in which a man is born old and ages backwards, Benjamin writes a letter to his daughter conveying the life principles learned through perspective.  Frank H. Wheeler, looking through 71-year old eyes to apply perspective and wisdom to his life, sends a parallel message to that of Benjamin Button that ‘it’s never too late in life.’ 

Frank, like Benjamin, is sharing thoughts with his children, bearing the weight of a parent sending an indelible message to a child with the inevitable redemptive undertones only retrospection can afford.  Frank’s parents made the best of their circumstances and saw to their children’s education.  He gave in to alcoholism but was startled out of it and changed course.  He found a relationship with God. He learned to embrace friends with different points of view.  He has lived a life of which he is generally proud, and has found the strength to start all over again to learn from what life has revealed to him. 

Their respective letters reveal almost a direct point/counterpoint conversation between Frank and Benjamin:

BB: “And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before.”

FW: “I came face to face with the reality of my life, first in jail in Selma, Alabama, and then a moment of clarity in a Nashville coffee shop, Easter Sunday, 1980. Shortly thereafter I prayed, “God, if you are there and you care, I need your help.” God was there, God cared and I got help.”

BB: “I hope you meet people with a different point of view.”
FW: “I love the diversity of many of my friends…their variety adds richness, openness, texture and interest to my life. Buddies range from 8th grade education to GEDs to Ph. D’s to MD’s, from dedicated socialist to a guy to the right of Attila the Hun, from atheist to Hindu to Muslim to Hassidic Jew to Christians of all stripes, from a murderer to a semi-saint, from multi-millionaire to a guy whose net worth is a dog, from about age 25 to me and the list goes on. I treasure the diversity and work very hard to ignore areas of core disagreements, focusing on what I can learn and share. Dialogue not debate. “

BB: “I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”
FW: “All aspects of life improved and I began to participate in family, community and work in new, enjoyable and largely effective ways. Somehow out of disaster came a confluence of factors that have led to a life I could not have dreamed. I learned not to fear mistakes too much; they were the greatest source of effective learning. I learned to focus my physical, emotional and spiritual energy on things I could change and accept those I could not. I finally discovered that doing the “right” things, in the “right” way and for the “right” motives lead to a general level of contentment even in the face of sadness, uncertainty and legitimate fear. Perfect? Nope! Still much progress to be made? Yup! Largely good and acceptable at 71? Absolutely! Entering the twilight years reasonably at peace? Most of the time!”

Benjamin had age reversal, and Frank had “sharp elbows” as they navigated life’s unpredictable path.  But their common message is a gift to those of us with the courage to reveal to our children and grandchildren a list of things we’d have done differently if we had our life to live over.

Frank and Benjamin, parents with interestingly opposite perspectives on aging, lead to the same undeniable conclusion:

BB: “For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.”