'P" IS NOT FOR PERFECTION

NY Times Columnist David Brooks has reached out to readers over 70 years of age for "essays about their own lives and what they’d done poorly and well. They make for fascinating and addictive reading." http://brooks.blogs.nytimes.com/tag/life-report/

The following is my comment on The Life Report: Charles Darwin Snelling http://brooks.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/07/the-life-report-charles-darwin-snelling/

Charles Darwin Snelling’s early life was one of power, prestige, and perfectionism which, for its first chapter, seemed important “p’s” at the time.  Through no fault of his own, however, they lacked the key “p,” “personal.”  There is, after all, nothing personal in patenting scientific innovations, although they would better the lot of many; nothing personal in public service, although subjugating one’s ideas and opinions promotes the greater good; nothing personal in preserving antiques, although its labor of imitation recasts the original designer’s ideas. 

Two important personal “p’s,” partnering and parenting (anagrams, coincidentally or not) came in his life’s next chapter, and his retelling of that chapter is a beautiful love song sung to 2 loves – his children and his wife.  When he met Adrienne he learned to partner, and thus learned patience. When they had 5 children, he learned to parent, retold with a father’s pride.  Now in his twilight years the parenting and partnering converge as he uses both skill sets to shepherd Adrienne’s journey with Alzheimer’s.  Required to be a parent and a partner has taken on acute pertinence, in a very personal way.

Reading Mr. Snelling’s riveting life story I am reminded of Marcus Buckingham’s “strengths training,” focusing on each person’s unique strengths and disregarding his weaknesses to maximize personal satisfaction in learning and personal achievement in life.  Despite the approach taken by Snelling’s father in deriding weaknesses by making love conditional on performance, Snelling’s antithetical approach to learning and living was to deal from his strengths.  And although those strengths did not initially include parenting and partnering, love helped him find a way.   

“…rules must be broken and discarded because they stifle the originality and uniqueness — the strengths — that can enable all of us to achieve our highest performance.”

-Marcus Buckingham. http://www.tmbc.com/about-marcus

 After living by his father’s rules, Mr. Snelling allowed love to turn his attention to the important “p’s” of parenting and partnering, brought a new type of joy into his life, and finds today that his life’s finest achievement is his loving walk alongside his wife.

Perfect.