I had the urge to call my friend Michael recently. It was one of those urges we attribute to
happenstance, or coincidence, but I knew the moment I heard his voice that it
was meant for me to call because he needed to talk. Instead of his usual upbeat response to my
greeting, I heard a clutch in his voice as he began “I am losing my Momma,” and
he went on to briefly describe the medical particulars. Immediately thereafter, though, in the voice of
a son’s hopeful wonder having taken in news too big to comprehend but too
meaningful to miss, he followed with “I believe that this woman who taught me
how to live is now going to teach me how to die.”
She did just that.
Her timing was impeccable. She
gathered her family from all corners to her bedside to say goodbye and then to
her memorial service to celebrate her life… perfectly timed to allow all to
stay and celebrate another important event which had been planned for months
but happened to occur 3 days after her passing: the beautiful marriage of her
grandson. Moreover, her grace covered
that next-generation union which was, in a special blessing, that of her Christian
grandson and his Hindu bride, a family first.
A Hebrew proverb says “God could not be everywhere, and
therefore He made Mothers.” Psalm 121 says
“The Lord shall
preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.” It seemed that Michael’s mother had acted as
God’s surrogate as she watched over Michael’s coming in, and now was, by
example, showing him how he must handle his going out. I asked him how he was handling her going out. His response was that of a pastor and life
coach, as he softly but firmly replied “if I can’t handle this, then what is my
life’s work all about?” “But you are not
her pastor or her life coach. You are
her son. You need to feel that and live
that, in spite of the expectations you will have of yourself to be there for
her, for your family, and for her friends,” I replied. We prayed and concluded our conversation with
a promise that he would call in the coming days, anytime day or night, if he
needed to be that son who just needed to talk.
Our
relationship has always been mutually blessed as we have counseled each other
on many levels. In our goings out and in
our comings in...
Michael ministers to others in many contexts - as a pastor to his church congregation, as a life
coach to his secular constituency, in-person, electronically, and
telephonically. In their goings out and
in their comings in…
He is also a very involved family member, no doubt seen
as a guide and mentor and appreciated for his perspective and warmth. Because of the varied settings and
circumstances in which is he is called upon for wisdom, Michael finds himself quoting
Scripture in one circumstance and song lyrics in another. But in this place, in this time, and in this
circumstance, he would be called upon to be a son at his mother’s bedside
praying his mother home. He would
recount that he spent this time watching, learning, teaching, preaching, laughing
and crying. He would then be a part of a
wonderfully enriching and loving wedding ceremony for his beloved nephew and
new niece, and would recount its profound timeliness as a binding force for his
family. The shadow of his loving
mother’s so-recent death had ushered in this new beginning, and the entire
family embraced the circle of life. In their
goings out and in their comings in…
Ignatius
of Loyola (a popular subject for Michael and me) said that we are all imperfect
people drawing perfect grace in and through our imperfections. He noted that light comes through the
“cracks” in each of us, not the solid parts.
He also spoke of “speaking into
a person,” rather than speaking to a
person, a compelling topic for discussion which Michael and I have
pondered. In Michael’s experience of his
mother’s loss, he was able to face down his own “cracks” of fear and sadness in
the face of death to this earth, and let the light shine through to guide his
mother to the eternal life in which she so strongly believed. Michael spoke into his mother’s life as she
spoke into his, and their shared faith provided a ready roadmap for the next
chapter in each of their journeys. In
their goings out and in their comings in…
We each
face life and death, and everything in between, with our own definition of
faith, of God, of eternity. Whatever
source we use for our strength can be tested, as was Michael’s, as we go and
come through the days, the choices we are given. Michael’s story makes me think about how we
make those choices about what our source is, and where our strength comes
from. Will it be enough to enable us to face,
to face down, to reach out, to heal, to mend, to trust, to welcome, to open up,
to celebrate, to inspire, to thank… in our goings out and in our comings in? For
each of us, may it be enough.
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