A FATHER'S WOMB

“A Father’s Womb.”  Not a term we use, I know.  But when we celebrate fathers, I think it helps us describe the place he creates, affects, and nurtures, often without notice, all the days of his fatherhood.

Images of uncelebrated acts and metaphors of uncelebrated protagonists may also be useful for our thoughts today.

Which of these headlines seems more likely…

“All eyes turned skyward as the traditional Christmas Tree Angel was hoisted to the top branch and pointed her harp to the heavens, launching a season of hope and promise.”

OR

“The planning and design of the sturdy stand, the choice of the Scottish Pine with the perfectly centered trunk and the gracefully symmetrical branches, and the all-day effort to hoist and prepare the tree for the evening’s lighting ceremony was lauded by all in attendance.”

How about this choice…

“Much caffeine, no doubt, was ingested Sunday night to keep viewers awake for Academy Award’s penultimate moment… the crowning of this year’s Best Actress, Best Actor, and Best Film.”

 OR

“Heedless of the program’s seepage into the wee hours of a workday morning, audiences everywhere stayed awake to hear firsthand the announcement of the Academy Award winners for Best Sound Editing, Best Production Design, and Best Visual Effects.”

There are behind-the-scenes catalysts in every walk of life, some whose job titles are as innocuous as the functions they serve.  A Health Information Manager balances the point where healthcare meets technology. Though an expert on maintaining, collecting and analyzing patient data that doctors, nurses, and other providers rely on to perform their jobs of providing quality care, who knows about them?  Right now there are Medical Lab Technicians all over the world analyzing data from experiments that seek to cure cancer, Parkinson’s disease, and AIDs.  Can we name one?  Sports Agents give advice to athletes, help them find sponsorship, and look for off-season career opportunities and financial investments for their clients, but receive a small fraction of the pay and a smaller fraction of the recognition.  Defensive Coordinators along with their Offensive Coordinator counterparts and Conditioning and Strength Coaches represent the second level command structure after the head coach in contact sports such as football, basketball, soccer, and rugby, yet receive little or no credit for goals or wins. There is a Freelance Pattern Maker running around right now behind world-famous fashion designer Donatella Versace bringing to life her every whim, but never appearing on the label. 

What do these unsung heroes have in common?  The worlds in which they operate are ones in which all participants keep their eyes on the prize.  The game is played in a cocoon of esoteric language, nuanced movement, and flexible but purposeful intentionality.  Each responds to the need for insular, focused environment by spinning a web, building a nest, fashioning a womb.

A father’s womb is the outside world to a mother’s womb.  It is his subset of the universe, populated by all places, people, things, and events he wants to select as building blocks for the environment in which his children will grow.  As his mind’s brush dips into the blue and grey tones of safety and security; his heart’s dabs at the reds and purples of love and nurturing, and he paints their world with light and life and fun and potential.

Of the pre- and post-partum family experiences, there are millions of words written and broadcast every day.  Neuroscientists and spiritual gurus share or vie for the spotlight as they recount stories and data which, although purporting to be about parenting, focus on giving birth rather than giving life.  National forums categorize the topic as a part of “Women’s Reproductive Health,” but have no such category for men, or fathers.

And so today, let’s celebrate fathers.  The dads-to-be despairing of their very-pregnant wives’ discomfort, the dads fighting back tears as their kids walk the first-day-of-school walk, the graduation walk, or the walk down the aisle, and the dads flipping through the pages of a photo album proudly reminiscing about memorable times with their children and grandchildren. And please let’s not forget the single dads… whether with their sons (at their machismo finest) coaching Little League or Kids’ Soccer or tying a tie from behind, or at their most noble (though perhaps most awkward) with their daughters, tying halter tops, braiding hair, or explaining the birds and the bees. 

Let’s think about our own fathers, the fathers who have borne our children and their children, and the family ties we have that could not have ever taken shape as we know them without the  implicit and explicit involvement of the fathers in our world. Let us say a prayer that when the career goes sideways, or the demands of life feel too daunting, or the recreation time is just too squeezed, they will take a deep breath and find the inner courage and stamina to keep moving forward.  For they are moving us forward.  As a culture, as a society, we need them.  We have empirical data that tells us that when they are present, we suffer fewer failing grades and high-school dropouts, fewer teen pregnancies and jail sentences, fewer psychological and even physical illnesses. When they are present we celebrate more college graduations, we enjoy more happy family relationships, and we live to see the intergenerational sanctity of two-parent homes for our children and grandchildren.

Thank you to all the fathers I know.  You make me proud.  You give me hope.  You work to make life better, from the day your child is born, in the Father’s Womb of your making, and I salute you.

In particular, as I reflect on my own paternal family tree I am blessed to watch the confluence of my father’s gentleness and my brother’s intentionality in my nephews Brandon and Chris as they raise the daughters and sons of our family’s tomorrow.  Their twin gifts of strength and flexibility, along with the ability to harness their children’s energy and hand it back to them in the form of joy and delight, is the fruit of true fatherly love.