INSIDE AND OUT

When in a recovery program, both those in the throes of addiction and those supporting them see the world from a different perspective.  “Inside the rooms” we understand that some of the accepted and understood protocols are not at all like those “outside the rooms,” but thanks to the experience of many leaders who have been in recovery longest, we come to not only reconcile that gap, but to appreciate it. 

For instance, at a recent meeting a fellow member discussed the concept of Trust.  “Do I trust my husband (a gambler) with money?  No, but I don’t really worry about it since I have always followed the tenets of our Gam Anon support group by managing and safeguarding the household funds.”  She went on to discuss common words used “outside the room” when one is wronged, betrayed, cheated: Forgiving and Forgetting.  “Did I forgive him?  Can I forget what happened?  I don’t think I ever thought too much about either concept, because I went right to Acceptance.”

I believe this is an example of “inside the rooms” thinking.  We believe that the addictive process is a disease.  We believe we live with two people – the addict (whether a gambler, alcoholic, or drug addict, for example) and the person we love.  For that reason, the terms “forget and forgive” cannot be applied.  After all, if a medical professional diagnosed your spouse with terminal cancer, would you “forget?”  Would you “Forgive?”  Would those processes even enter into your mindset?  Of course not – in fact, they would be irrelevant.  And they are irrelevant in addiction recovery. 

What is relevant is that when both the addict and the supporting partner choose the 12-Step Program, they learn life-saving words, laden with depth of purpose and intent, which set them out onto the path of recovery. 

First, the Serenity Prayer, said at the close of every 12- Step meeting everywhere, with its prescriptive formula for facing each new day with acceptance of whatever comes our way:

         “God, grant me

          the Serenity

          to accept the things I cannot change,

          the Courage

          to change the things I can, and

        

          the Wisdom

          to know the difference.”

Next, here are the first three Steps in the 12 Step Program of recovery:

1.   We admitted we were powerless over gambling [drinking, drug use, etc] - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.   Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living.

3.   Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.

These first three Steps are what lies “inside the rooms” unlocked with the key of Acceptance… the admission of powerlessness, the assignment of that power to a higher Being, and the willingness to turn our free will over to that Higher Power.

The 12 Step Program was instituted 80 years ago as a vision of two men in the throes of addiction.  Famously known as Bill W. and Dr. Bob, they no doubt were scorned and outcast when they saw themselves in the light of societal expectations, and realized their repeated failings at conquering addiction could neither be forgotten nor forgiven by spouses, family, friends, colleagues, or even strangers.  Yet once “inside the room” at their first meeting, these two brave men saw the inescapable disease in each other and felt acceptance.  They accepted each other; they accepted the consuming magnitude of the disease which afflicted them; and they founded an organization whose members survive and thrive “outside the rooms” because they know acceptance “inside the rooms.” 

The same 12 Step Recovery Program was adopted by support groups (Gam Anon, Al Anon, Narc Anon, etc.) which began to form to help fellow members understand the disease of addiction, and those often-desperate members recognized the same conversion from “outside the room” emotional battles concerning “forgetting and forgiving” to “inside the room” acceptance.  Because of that thought conversion, they freed themselves to better deal with their circumstances in a safe and secure setting. 

Today, all over the world, 12 Step Program meetings foster acceptance as a foundational building block to recovery.  We who benefit from the clear-eyed vision of our predecessors say “we understand as perhaps few can.”  And even as we admit that we are powerless over the disease which has brought us “inside the room,” we are grateful for our Program as it blesses us with a connection to our Higher Power.  That connection is made more profound because of the freedom only the release of control can bring.  We use its strength to work through each of life’s challenges “outside the rooms,” whether they have to do with addiction or not, One Day at a Time.”