ISLANDS OF FORGIVENESS

Relationships are difficult. However, there are certain helpful fundamentals in maintaining stability and peace in every household.

I believe that one such key precept in maintaining a peaceful life is forgiveness. And I believe, further, that if forgiveness is used as a blanket to cover an issue of disagreement, and I did say “an issue,” as in one issue, that such forgiveness becomes an island which can exist unto itself as a part of our relationship past.

If, however, the issue that has been raised and requires forgiveness joins another issue from our relationship past, that “island” precept and all its benefits have been forsaken.

Let’s look at a real life example. We go to Uncle Joe’s for Thanksgiving. We argue on the way home about one specific comment one of us made about Uncle Joe and his family. It’s out of line. It requires an apology, and forgiveness. So in that instance the comment about Uncle Joe’s family can create its own island of forgiveness. Talk about it, apologize for it, receive forgiveness for it, and make it a part of your relationship past. It does not take on monumental proportions; it does not become conflated with other issues about Uncle Joe or Aunt Pat or Thanksgivings in general, nor does it morph into a conversation about all holidays or all parties or all gatherings. And, while this sounds humorous, it really does happen every day of our lives.

It seems we are often inherently unable to compartmentalize our issues which require apologies and forgiveness. But in practice, the island of forgiveness concept can become relationship-saving and peace-perpetuating.

Try it on for size. I’d like to hear your comments, both about how you handle apology and forgiveness situations, and about whether you can submit that taking one item and isolating it for such treatment makes sense to you. I believe it promotes the relationship life we all strive for...

peace, Peace, PEACE!