WHAT WE GIVE AWAY WILL BE OURS FOREVER

Eight young women step on the scene of your life and your life changes.

Not in the stereotypical way some think of young women as life changers. 

Not by creating drama or causing chaos; not by leaving behind credit card bills or unrequited lovers. 

Instead, these eight young women belie all those “trending” characteristics which usually seem to accompany stories of the lives of 14-18 year old females in 2014. 

They are hard-working, dedicated, kind, compassionate, quick to compliment, slow to anger, and patient.  They are golfers.

Anyone who has ever taken up the sport of the club and little white ball knows many of these qualities are necessary, even vital, to success and, to a large degree, to sanity.  But most who play the game struggle for years before they have even one of the epiphanies that underlies such traits.

This past summer Marge was asked to step into the role of Assistant Coach of the Placer High School Girls’ Golf Team.  The request came from a deeply respected local golf professional, Greg French, on behalf of his wife (another deeply respected golf professional), Carol French.  Both had come to know the experience of teaching high school golf in our northern California community as rewarding, and even life-changing.  However, at the point of being asked to volunteer, Marge’s “yes” was without knowledge that she would enjoy any benefits at all from her participation. It was her 5 decades of love and devotion to the game that impelled her, and she selflessly threw herself into the 4-day-a-week, 3-4 hours-per-day practice schedule. 

I had the opportunity, early on in the season, to spend time with Carol and Greg.  Although I knew them by reputation (and had even taken a few golf lessons from Greg), I had not had the pleasure of getting to know their personal sides.  Realizing what quality people they were – unassuming, funny, and kind - I expected that Marge would enjoy working with Carol and seeing Greg at occasional practices and matches.  Not surprisingly, then, I watched Marge’s eagerness to run up to the course for every practice session.  Regardless of weather, scheduling conflicts, or personal preference, it seemed that she was dedicated to these young women and their advancement in the sport she loves.  I listened as she regaled me with stories of their progress, their prowess, and even their struggles, quickly followed by recommendations she was going to make to Carol for strategies she wanted to deploy for each of them.  Marge and Carol got along famously, and the young women in their charge could only benefit.

In September, the league competition began.  For each match, six girls were chosen and set out, bedecked in their green and gold uniforms, golf bags, and hats proudly sporting the Placer High logo.  They were walking advertisements for golf, health, fitness, and positive energy.  Their on-course attitudes were complimentary and deferential as opponents made their shots, and focused and concentrated when they made theirs.  Marge and Carol rode around assisting with rules questions, and I had the opportunity to watch.  I saw some amazing shots, and knowing where the average golfers’ drives landed, I compared the drives of these young women and smiled in awe. 

Soon after the first match I began to conjure up a few opportunities where I could help.  Knowing the scarcity of funds for athletics, I decided to offer to do some fundraising to augment what Carol and Greg had been able to find the time to do.  I also saw that the girls came to matches directly from school and needed snacks, and that Carol had been providing them.  Marge and I decided we could take on that task for match days.  And so it began… our household turned into a recipe search lab, trying to find wholesome ingredients to nurture and bring smiles to these very special young athletes.  For hydration we stocked up on Gatorade and water by the case, and our rolling cooler, strapped to the cart for easy mobility, became a mainstay.

Fundraising was easy…the girls’ team picture provided the letterhead marquee, and who could refuse those beautiful representations of the future?  Baking was fun and rewarding… the girls devoured the treats and expressed endless gratitude as if each was a gourmet delicacy.  But the dividend for me was the priceless joy of seeing Carol and Marge pre-empt the complexity and potential frustration of the game of golf, especially to newcomers too naïve to know of its guile and mystery, and present to these girls a world of opportunity, challenge, fellowship, and fun.  Having launched their own very successful golf careers themselves, these coaches handed eight lucky young players the fruits of their own labor.  Because of their love of the game, they encapsulated their combined eight decades of experience and shook away any nuance of negativity.  Focusing on the positive, they transformed the hardship of enduring countless hours of practice, demoralizing competitive losses, personal and physical sacrifice, and investment of time and money, and transformed their competitive golf memories into a training practicum that worked magic.  Never negative, always encouraging.  Brief skill-building demonstrations and drills followed by understanding nods of the head and knowing smiles.  Joking and cajoling.  Circle sessions of life lessons from Margie.  Van rides to matches with Carol allowing contemporary music to blast until her ears rang.  There was never a whisper of “do you have any idea how hard this game is?” or  ”only 25% of players ever break 90, and half never break 100!”  After several 9-hole matches carrying their bags in 90 degree heat, the girls had had much scoring success, had hit many fabulous shots, and already found themselves defying the scoring averages. 

Eventually the season turned to competitive 18-hole elimination matches to determine which teams and individuals would advance to state competition.  The adjustment to a full 18-hole, 5-6 hour match never seemed to bother any of the girls, and I actually thought that they performed better under such intense circumstances.  Several league coaches mentioned their positive attitudes and exemplary sportsmanlike conduct, making Marge and Carol proud that the core concepts of the sport were resonating.  Final results placed the team second in the league, and one player advanced to the Masters Sectional Championship and held her own when paired with two players who advanced to Northern California championship level. 

The season ended with an awards dinner attended by team members and their families, and Carol spoke eloquently of each player’s strengths and contribution to the team.  Jackets were presented to departing Seniors, and awards for exemplary performance.  Carol praised Marge as an excellent addition to the team spirit, noting her example as a teacher and a mentor.  I received thanks from Carol for fundraising, baking, and supporting the team. 

After the ceremony, I presented a DVD I had made of the many pictures gathered of team competition and fun.  I had included a retrospective on Carol and another on Marge, scouring their scrapbooks for highlights and including them to show the team and family members just how lucky they were to have role models who had conquered the game in their own corners of the competitive golf world.  Explosions of laughter and disbelief rang out as the girls saw that Marge had not been born with grey hair and had shattered East Coast amateur competition in her day, and that Carol and Greg had been a team of kids themselves, on the field of professional competition as player and caddie all those years ago.

But the memory that endures is the magic that has been instilled in this group of young women.  In a series of expressions of gratitude for our involvement in their memorable season, they presented us with gifts, cards, speeches, and even songs.  Throughout the 3 months they had been together they had learned to love their coaches, their supporters, and each other.  The season’s end was a culmination of so much… feelings of pride in their athletic achievement, knowledge that they had grown personally and emotionally, and confidence that they could tackle future endeavors with perseverance and patience.

The girls presented Marge with a plaque inscribed with a mantra that resonates with anyone who has ever set out to give back, but ended up getting so much more in return.  Its inscription:

What we spend, we lose.

What we keep will be left for others.

What we give away will be ours forever.

I know Margie will cherish her plaque forever.  And for just as long, I know she will cherish the memories of working with these eight very special young women.  They walked into her life, and into her heart, on the wings of grace.  From a philanthropic standpoint, they gave her the opportunity to give back to the game of golf which has been such a major part of her life.  Personally, they enriched her by allowing her to teach them a little bit about life through lessons on the course and off.

As Marge can often be heard to say, ‘Golf is, after all, the ultimate metaphor for life. We play our foul balls, overcome bad shots with recovery attempts, and put each hole behind us to begin anew.  But as with life, we begin as babes and only learn the true value of experience through experience.’

The blessing of being coached through some of the pitfalls, in life as in golf, comes as a gift of love and caring.  When we encounter such advantage, we hope to have the grace to receive it and allow it to wash over us.  And in their 2014 season, eight girls comprising the Placer High School Girls’ Golf Team were so blessed.  We will watch their progress through the years ahead, and trust that the life lessons learned in this season will serve them for all the seasons of their lives.