AUNTIE MARIE

Rose Marie Korbey (Auntie) and Alexander Korbey (Dad)

Auntie Marie passed away last night. She had been in a nursing home for several years and not responding for the last several months.

Describing Auntie as “not responding” clearly describes a well-earned rest at the end of her journey, and takes away nothing from the responding she did all her life. As the youngest of seven of the first-generation Korbey clan, she was a particularly sweet and devoted Auntie, dedicating herself to complete family loyalty to all of those brothers and sisters, and to their families.

They were lucky to have her, as were we all.

Never did a birthday pass but that Auntie Marie (the youngest sister) and Auntie Alice (the oldest) were present to present the present.  Of course, that’s how kids think, right?  The present.  But as we got older we marveled at the way Auntie Marie would be present for all of us, from the youngest to the oldest, as the adults faded to conversation.  There she’d be, playing silly games with us.  Ever patient, ever joy-filled, meeting us where we were, until our game was done. 

As we nephews and nieces grew we were still her pride and joy. At holidays or family gatherings her focus was the kids.  “How tall you’ve gotten!”  she’d exclaim from the time the boys reached her shoulders, and on until they towered over her.  The girls would meet her in the dress shop she and Auntie Alice ran, and she would fuss around with us as we made our way into and out of the fitting rooms looking for a Korbey Creation that suited our teenage and young adult forms.

Graduations brought a special pride to Auntie, as she watched us take opportunities she never had.  Although hers had been a youth devoted to care for her mother, she lived almost vicariously through our successes.  Weddings, baptisms, anniversaries, Father’s Day and Mother’s Day were all occasions where she was present, with a present, and with a unique pride never colored by the fact that none of these had been, or would be, celebrations or gifts she received.  Her only special day was her August birthday, when we tried our best to give back some of the unconditional love she had so ably taught us.

Auntie Marie was appreciated, that much is certain.  Where would Auntie Alice have been when her vision rendered her unable to drive, without Auntie Marie, who found her stride as she learned to drive? (My brother and I can remember stories of my mother arranging driving lessons and encouraging Auntie Marie, who had never sat behind the wheel, to have confidence – she could do it!) She became Auntie Alice’s eyes as they continued to “go out for a bite” after work, and to ensure that they never missed any family gatherings. 

Looking back, I wish that every family could be as lucky as ours was.  We had a grandfather (“Jiddoo”) who was an entrepreneur with a business sense, whose life lessons have been carried forward by two generations of self-employed or highly-motivated professionals.  We had a grandmother (“Sittoo”) who was infirm, but taught us respect for the elderly.  We had aunts and uncles who were wonderful examples of abiding family love.  And we had one Auntie in particular whose selfless joy in our successes became the model for spreading that same selfless love to the next generations of family and friends. 

I have the privilege of being an Auntie now, and I look for opportunities to show love in many and varied ways.  To improve my skills I can read Eckhart Tolle on being present, or Jon Kabat-Zinn on mindfulness, or Wayne Dyer on fulfilling wishes, or Richard Rohr on using mistakes as springboards to personal improvement.  Or, I can sit quietly and think about Auntie Marie… how she graced our lives.  She was present when we were toddlers who spoke only gibberish, or awkward adolescents who made no sense.  She was mindful of us as teenagers who thought only of ourselves.  She was confident in our wishes and dreams when we were young adults who condescended to everything and everyone around us.  She was certain of our next success as adults who had so many obligations and appointments we barely had time for family hellos and goodbyes.  How far beyond these precious lessons need I go to learn love in its truest, most authentic sense?

Auntie Marie, may you rest in God's eternal peace as you are welcomed home by each of your brothers and sisters, brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, and parents who await your presence.  And until we see you again, thank you for being an example of present, mindful, confident love for us all.