HEROES

Ok, sit right here next to me and tell me your story.

What made you so afraid? Other people’s opinions of you? And now their judgment?

You are a hero, my friend!

You had the courage to take a stand for what your heart was calling you to do.

And you... you relented and did not make that choice? You felt you had too much to lose? And in the end you feel you lost anyway? But you are a hero, too! You honored your tribe and showed flexibility and grace. Would you make the same choice again? Perhaps not. But don’t diminish the grit you showed in facing your fears head-on.

Let’s think for a moment about what unites us all. It’s what brought you here to this circle. Something, or someone, some “other” factor, made you feel doubt or even shame about a choice you made. You’ve shared your choices... a relationship with someone too different, a move away from family, a high-risk job, and all those other endeavors seen as “outside the box.” 

First, let’s consider what your experiences had in common. Remember that none of us lives in a vacuum. Our family, friends, and loved ones are important to us. If we’ve allowed their well-intentioned opinions to become weapons against us, it was because we made a decision to believe they were right. Our choice was too risky, too different... their advice to abandon our idea was too compelling and was truly “for our own good.”  If we went ahead and followed our hearts, we risked losing them, and thus a piece of ourselves.

But, my friends, this drama is age-old! Art forms abound with the time-worn theme of “Paradise Lost,” or “The Road Not Taken.” Yet we here today, in our circle, are sharing how the lives – the hearts and souls – of the affected individuals are forever changed in the process.

Before we open our circle to our broader audience, let me share my story.

I moved 3,000 miles from family and friends with a partner 15 years my senior. I left a company I helped start, and accepted a position with a 60% cut in base salary.

In the 23 years since then I have made a new life surrounded by family and friends, and have retired comfortably after making more money than I ever would have had I not moved. I own two homes allowing me to enjoy year-round sunshine, and share a wonderful life with the partner I chose despite all our differences, and all the objections of others.  

I am happy, and at peace, and whole.

And now I’m here in this circle of friends, eager to engage your story.

When you have made a choice which conflicts with well-meaning loved ones, who ultimately gets to decide what is right for you? 

If you’ve met your perfect complement, would that not also be your perfect opposite?

Have you had/ do you have the courage to stand firm in your decision?

Can you resist the path of arguing for your own right to choose?

Let me know where and when in your life’s journey you took the road less traveled.  And please don’t forget to add your personal characterization as to how it all turned out. Because the hero needs to tell his stories. And others need to hear them.