MY WAY

Have you ever known an individual who, when contemplating the musical lyric which best encapsulated his life, chose “My Way?”

I have. 

John’s memorial service was a multi-faceted event filled with memories, reflections, and love.  And yet the words to his favorite song were accurate in every way.  His self-possessed approach to life did not negate the love and goodwill he spread to those who knew him.  Of course, he neglected and even irritated many with his “me-first” attitude, but in many ways its effect on others was an empowering one.  His children and grandchildren are strong and resilient.  His work colleagues are authentic and empowered.  His friends and family are sincere and straightforward.  And they can credit these qualities, at least in part, to their having known John.

We tend to “regress toward the mean,” as our statistics teacher taught us, finding that the norms of our lives are comfortable places to dwell.  In conversation we are filtered.  In relationships we are careful.  In interpersonal and business transactions we are guarded.  The cautionary message “don’t rock the boat” resonates in our memory from our elders and mentors.

And so, for most of us, life in the middle is quite satisfactory.  No unfiltered, careless, unguarded boat-rocking for us.  No way.

Then along comes “My Way.” Lived out by one close enough to observe, relate to, and now remember, this life mantra is one worth scrutinizing.  I saw John’s inner workings as Swiss-watch-like – complicated yet generally predictable.  To say he was brutally honest is really too much of an understatement… he was as blunt as an unsharpened carving knife.  I was with him in social situations and in business situations, and he was exactly the same person.  If you wanted to get to know him, you had only to ask, and he’d show you exactly who he was.  His interests were always his opening salvo, and yours were met with the hardened eye of the skeptic.

Yet his personal and business dealings were exactly what he outlined in his first encounter with you… no excess or guile, no apology or retreat.

So what has John taught us?  To be real, to be authentic, to say what you mean and mean what you say, for sure.  But what else?  Perhaps Paul Anka’s lyrics, made famous by Frank Sinatra, can give us a peek behind the mantra:

‘And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I've traveled each and every highway
But more, much more than this
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say - not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes, it was my way.”

As John aged and reflected on his life, he knew it had been full, and with few regrets.  He had seen its course through to completion in his own time and in his own way.  He felt he had faced down the times when he had overstepped his abilities or capacity, and looked back on loving, laughing and crying as aspects of life he handled in his own unique way.  That is a lesson unto itself.

But here is what I think John most believed about his purpose and his way of living:

“What is a man, what has he got, if not himself, then he has naught. 

To say the things he truly feels, and not the words of one who kneels.  

The record shows I took the blows and did it my way. Yes, it was my way.”

Rest in peace, John.  You were your own man, lived life your own way, and in doing so taught us each something we will never forget.  You showed the courage to say “I lived my life My Way.”