PERSPECTIVE

 

I know several women who have ended their marriages in part, and often in large part, because each felt her children would not be raised to their fullest potential with the father she had chosen for them. I’ll bet you do, too. And I’d imagine you hurt for them in their regret at having had to end their marriages, as I do. Often that regret is because from their perspective they failed their marriages, or failed their children by not creating a loving forever family and an idyllic home.

 

But consider this perspective… that of the sacrifice they each made when leaving the security of a life they knew to ensure the safety and well-being of her children. I believe the standards to which women hold themselves become unrealized when the spouse to whom they are yoked is not equally committed to their children’s well-being. As these women realize they must begin to compromise their standards, they know that means their dreams and their expectations for their children’s well-being will also be compromised. And so they courageously and selflessly give up security and even safety to protect their children’s futures. Sometimes they are shunned by family, or friends, or their faith community. Often they are riddled with a guilt that affects them almost as deeply as their unhappiness in their marriage. Yet they persevere and protect and provide… for their children.

 

You know these women, as I know these women. They are carrying guilt in their 30s and 40s, and they are still compensating in their 50s and 60s. They will not even date a man who will not love and nurture their children, and will not remarry until their children give their consent.

 

Where does this pattern of sacrifice come from? I believe it comes from the essence of her womanhood as the key participant in the creative process. Our Creator carefully crafted a woman to bring the very future of our species to life, not only in her physical complementarity to her male partner, but in her nurturing soul. She is intended to be the forever parent who will sacrifice her very life so that child in her womb will enter the world and prosper. Almost as God’s homage to her steadfastness, she actually carries her child’s own DNA as long as she lives. Her focus is intuitively geared toward her child’s safety and security, growth and formation, and health and happiness, every day of her life.

 

Let’s think of these brave women who have done all this without a father present, and let’s consider the stigma too often levied upon them, from the standpoint of perspective.

 

First, from their perspective they failed their children because they could not make a perfect home. But would our Father, their Creator, take that perspective? Would He risk the future of one of His precious children to a parent not willing or capable to properly accept the responsibility of raising that child up in a faithful, loving manner?

 

Let’s consider how our loving God tested Abraham, as every woman is tested in marriage, to love God above all else. But that loving Father forgave Abraham’s vow of obedience to spare the loss of Abraham’s son. Can we see that same loving God forgiving the woman’s vow of obedience when she won’t sacrifice her child’s future?

 

I think a slight change in our perspective can offer clarity and truth in so many situations. And many times these newfound viewpoints are simple but satisfying. But the change in perspective we can offer to that courageous, single-focused mother who made what she probably considers the toughest decision of her life 10, 20, or even 40 or 50 years ago, can be life-changing for her.

 

Isn’t it worth considering reaching out to one of those women and telling her you know how brave she is, and that you love her for the strength she showed for her children’s sake? In articulating your change of perspective, you can her change her perspective of herself.

 

How empowering would that be?!