INTERCONNECTEDNESS

"We belong, not merely to the created order of things, but in a great web of relationship, and interconnectedness. Every choice we make, every response we offer, every reaction we reveal has an effect on that web of being. We are made for relationship. The Wisdom of creation insists on it. No single creature can disengage from the dance of creation without jeopardizing the eternal beauty of that dance. We are indeed created to be 'we'. To opt for merely being 'I' is to opt out of the creative process itself. It is only in interrelationship that we have our being and our meaning."

— Margaret Silf -The Way of Wisdom

Not being in relationship with others is easier today than it might have been, say, 50 or 100 years ago. The interdependence which was foisted upon people in those days has been mitigated by changing societal norms. We are okay without a mate, and without relationships. We can dine alone, travel alone, and live alone. Technology allows us to connect through social media in a controlled way, where boundaries are set as indicators of our limited willingness to engage.

It’s certainly true and quite healthy to take an occasional hiatus from communal living. Here we are in silence and solitude proving just that point. But we are engaging in a practice that is a means to an end. We seek to grow, from the inside out, and so we first explore where we are on that inner journey and after strengthening ourselves start to reach outward with new focus.

In the long run, though, if we make isolation a life pattern and choose to exist only for ourselves, can we be fully human? What is our purpose? Are we growing, or learning, or contributing?

Perhaps you are at the end of a relationship. Mourning, grieving, and yearning fill your heart and deaden your soul. Apathy and lethargy can easily set in. Regret and resentment aren’t far behind. But when you look ahead and envision yourself enveloped in this self-surrounded cloak, you might reconsider its fit. So much vitality would be lost, and so many achievements and accomplished missed, if you make this island your home. Someone has so much in common with you. Some group would love your participation. Alone, you may dive into an area of business or creativity, and cultivate some idea, some piece of art... but wouldn’t it be all the more gratifying if you had someone with whom to share its brilliance?

Let’s take a moment to consider our relationships. Do we serve them as much as they serve us? Whether family, friend, or colleague, does this “other” create a better you than the you who would have been alone for that coffee, or movie, or trip?

Thomas Merton led a life of adventure, rejecting the sometimes-stoic life of the clergy.

“Christianity is not stoicism. The Cross does not sanctify us by destroying human feeling. Detachment is not insensibility. Too many ascetics fail to become great saints precisely because their rules and ascetic practices have merely deadened their humanity instead of setting it free to develop richly, in all its capacities, under the influence of grace.”

Taking stock is a part of the inner journey. It’s a process which can be as painful as it is revealing. Its outcome may surprise you, and as a result you may question your past choices to be alone, or with the wrong people. Moving on may also be difficult, but as you set new standards you will begin to forge relationships filled with promise and adventure.