THE WOUNDED HEALER

Our service will not be perceived as authentic unless it comes from a heart wounded by the suffering about which we speak. Thus… we make their own wounds available as a source of healing.” 

- Henri Nouwen, “The Wounded Healer”

In order to reach out to others, we empathize with their own weakness.  We allow ourselves to be stirred in our inner life, and our own distress can prompt compassion, followed by action, on our part. 

Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s theorized that poverty in the West was a spiritual poverty.” Expanding on that theory, Johnette Williams (Founder of Women of Grace) adds material poverty and emotional poverty:

“There is no freedom without inner healing.  Those of us who are impoverished materially, spiritually, emotionally, must cooperate with grace to open ourselves to receive, trust, and surrender.  The wounds of our heart, put there by our own inadequacies or the hurt inflicted on us by others, scar us deeply.  So let’s start from those wounded places and see ourselves as ‘Wounded Healers,’ who are seeking a way through our own impoverishment to be able to reach out to those who are needy.”

I am blessed to know a woman who took over a food ministry in her church over a decade ago.  I marvel at her commitment to such a courageous undertaking, and at her work with other local resources to revise the program to integrate with the work already being done in the community.  Now the needy in their community have food every day, and my friend labors diligently in planning and preparing weekend meals.  As a steward of the donations received, she reaches out beyond the immediate “supply and demand” nature of such services to minister to each individual… each family:  “I tell all volunteers they must be willing to go beyond handing out food… they must look each person in the eye, call them by name, and make them feel valued.”

Her ministry call is the essence of Henri Nouwen’s message: see the material poverty, but reach inside yourself to find the place of inner poverty from which you can draw in order to empathize.  In other words, she calls all to become “wounded healers.” Perhaps you remember a time when you experienced material poverty, or knew/know someone who did/does.  You might have endured a spiritual or emotional wound, a dark night of the soul inflicted by your own character flaws, or by another’s betrayal.  There may even be inside you a place of anger or resentment needing to be released… and this ministry may allow you the freedom to release it.  To experience the fullness of grace in becoming a food ministry (or any type) volunteer, you will connect your inner poverty to the poverty of another, and find in that connection the freedom of inner peace and joy.

Think about the essence of poverty – with Mother Teresa, Johnette Williams, and Henri Nouwen as our guides, perhaps we too can become ministers of empathy, and like my friend, connect with others in need in a way that will satisfy an inner need, release a poverty mindset, and offer unexpected spiritual and emotional freedom.  May we become “wounded healers,” and in so doing find healing for our own wounds.

POSTSCRIPT:

Before publishing this blogpost, I requested permission from my friend whose food ministry I was referencing.  She quickly deflected credit, pointing to 2 brothers of Sri Lankan origin whose entire families join in a practice of cooking for the poor as a memoriam to deceased friends and relatives.  These generous brothers see my friend’s food ministry as providential, as they can join forces with her whenever a death occurs in their community.

“In addition to the alms-giving, it was also the custom to hold a feast a few weeks after a death to which many people of the village were invited.... This feast was sometimes called Mataka Bata Koma, ‘the eating of rice in memory (of the dead)’.  All signs of sorrow were banished from the day this feast was held. Most of these post-funeral ceremonies have persisted up to the present day.

-Rita Langer, “Buddhist Rituals of Death and Rebirth: Contemporary Sri Lankan Practices”

Imagine an entire culture, often itself immersed in material poverty, dedicated to the sacred practice of action for the benefit of others as a way to commemorate someone’s passing from this life.  It reminds us that wounded healers abound in our world, regardless of religious affiliation or cultural background.  We are fortunate to have their example for our own lives.  Perhaps we can follow that example, thinking of it as philanthropy in memory of a loved one.  But it is good to acknowledge the reality that its roots are a source of the deep healing which comes from truly knowing pain, and drawing healing from the scar of spiritual poverty it can leave behind.