THE LAST PISTACHIO

A friend of mine recently had a conversation with her aging aunt. Throughout her life, this friend has had a proactive, kind and compassionate approach to her aunt. Overcoming her aunt’s somewhat contentious personality, my friend has always shown her aunt respect and kindness.

This particular instance was no different. But to my friend’s surprise, her call resulted in a lambasting by her aunt for no apparent reason. It turned out that her aunt had incorrectly assigned blame for a family issue to my friend. My friend ended the conversation as quickly as possible, hurt and a bit dismayed.

My friend now faced a dilemma. Would she allow a relationship of a lifetime with a treasured elderly relative to disintegrate? Or would she find forgiveness in her heart?

Herein lies my theory of “the last pistachio.” For when we sit down to enjoy a healthy snack of pistachios, enjoying each as we crack it open and marvel at its fruit, it is always a disappointment when the last pistachio is sour. If we are lucky enough to have our supply handy, we can have another few to change the taste in our mouth. Alternatively, we suffer the fate of the last pistachio... ending a pleasant journey on a bad note.

Here is how the story ends, though. My friend realized, after a few days of contemplation, that she did not want to leave that last pistachio taste in her mouth. She did not want to disrespect her relationship, long-lived and long-endured, by parting on a negative note. She summoned her courage and decided to call her aunt this past week. When she told me she was intending to do so, I marveled at her courage. We prayed together for a good result. And sure enough, she had a successful, kind interchange with her aunt, who was clearly in a better mood and not contentious at all. In fact, her aunt was near tears in apology for her attack in their last conversation, which she had discerned was false and inappropriate. At her advanced age, she had the wisdom to realize that life is too short to allow permanent damage to infect relationships of a lifetime.

How many instances like this do we have in our lives? How many relationships, or exchanges, or negotiations, do we feel frustrated enough to walk away from? And how many times do we never look back? Is that severing of ties more a liability than an asset in our life’s journey? Could our lack of forgiveness be causing us to leave behind a piece of our future that could otherwise have gone differently?

Of course, it for each of us to decide. But I leave you with my friend’s reflection:

“I’m filled with gratitude that I did summon up the courage to call my Aunt. My uncomfortable feeling about our interchange was interrupting my serenity. Thank you for recognizing my bravery. I appreciate being seen and heard in this way.”

In my friend’s self-reflection was another hidden benefit I had not foreseen... she was grateful for the person she had become through this decision as she saw, upon reflection, that her relationship schism was interrupting her own serenity.

I encourage you, as I have done, to look at circumstances where the last pistachio has caused you to turn away. Because turning back and finding a way to make amends might heal an inner angst that threatens your serenity. And, it is obviously the more courageous thing to do.