TEXT ME YOUR HEART, PAPI!

On my bike rides in our Desert community, I stop regularly to speak to my friend Juan. Juan manages to clean 18 pools in six days a week of hard work in this sun-drenched paradise. His wife works as an apartment manager in the complex where they live, but even though she is closer to home, her work week seems never to end. As an additional challenge, they have two sons under age 12, the younger of whom has been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome.

I have known Juan for five years, and his children and family life have always been a source of focus and anxiety for him. Like so many other parents, he worries about his inability to spend adequate time with his family.

Last week I asked him if the boys had access to texting or email. “Of course,” he answered. “They have chrome books for school.” I asked if he ever thought of communicating with them between jobs. He has a smart phone and can easily tap out a message to them during the day. He received my suggestion with characteristic openness. It was not as if he had never used telephone or texting as a means to stay connected to his family, he explained, but most conversations with his wife had to do with school issues, homework, discipline, or picking up a few items of groceries on the way home.

And so last week, on his afternoon break, Juan began a daily practice of sending out a simple communication to each of his sons... an Emoji heart with the words “I love you.”

I saw Juan again this morning. I asked him how his communication was going with the boys. He said it had changed their relationship. In only a few moments each afternoon, they exchanged a simple greeting… a simple expression of love. He was astounded at how uplifted he felt, as though he were a better parent now. They, too, had let him know that they felt important because he would interrupt his busy work week to think of them. Of course, that opened a discussion wherein he assured them he thought of them constantly, but had never thought of using his phone to tell them so. He further explained to them that he did not grow up with a device in his hand as they were now doing. They laughed and rolled her eyes, but they understood.

Before I left Juan, he expressed his gratitude to me. He told me a quick story. Two days after he began this daily communication exchange, Juan’s afternoon break was delayed because of a pump failure. His younger son, anxious that his father’s message had not arrived at the usual time, sent him a message: “Text me your heart, Papi!”

Juan is telling his story to all his friends who are parents. He is receiving a groundswell of appreciation for his advice. I imagine the simple but heartfelt communications which are being exchanged every afternoon when so many children return from school expecting, receiving, and returning a quick expression of love.

Parents everywhere worry that they are not giving enough of themselves to their families. They are giving their employers their heart and soul every day, yet feel their best is not enough because they are cheating their children of the precious time they wish to spend together.

I hope that the technology that has enabled Juan to elevate his self-assessment of his parenting will spread to all parents. Wherever you are, and whatever you do for a living, if you cannot be there in person to show them your love, use the technology which your generation has made possible to communicate with your kids. Never forget that your children only want one special part of you anyway. And that is your heart.