TURN THE OTHER CHEEK

What does “turn the other cheek” actually mean? Does it mean to allow and even invite cruelty or mistreatment?

Not at all. It means neither fight nor flight, but rather standing your ground.

Mother Theresa of Calcutta was once holding the hand of a starving child that she let her in to a bakery. As Mother Theresa begged for a loaf of bread for the child, the baker spit in her face. Mother Theresa’s response? “Thank you for that gift for me. Now have you something for this hungry child?”

Bishop Desmond Tutu was once walking along a narrow wooden sidewalk over a muddy path. A white man, clearly racist, approached from the other direction. “Get off the path. I don’t make way for gorillas.” As Bishop Tutu stepped off, he stood alongside the path and said to the man as he passed, “I do!”

Ghandi overcame evil with non-violence. Martin Luther King followed. And what was civil disobedience in the America of the 1960s, but turning the other cheek while standing your ground?

So many times in our lives we are faced with what seems like a binary choice: either I can do this or I can do that. But often that apparent binary choice of one or the other is a false reality. Often there is a third path, a third choice. As is exemplified by the two previous examples, real humanity is often found in that third choice. If the protagonist can be made to see the error of his or her ways, there is success in that third choice. And frankly, even if he or she goes along without any form of self-assessment, you have still stood your ground. No one has changed who you are.

In a perfect world, we would never need to engage the fight or flight choices. But we know we don’t live in a perfect world. We know that, particularly if safety is at issue, fight or flight is sometimes the only answer to a circumstance. But I believe that considering the third choice of standing our ground is something worth considering.

The next time someone approaches you stating a black-and-white choice, goading you to choose this or that, stop and think.  Hold your ground.  Don’t acquiesce and don’t back down.  Offer a third alternative.  It will disarm the situation and dilute your protagonist’s case.  And though you may not walk away feeling you have won, I promise you that feeling you have not lost will be a triumph.

I challenge you - Be a choice maker, not a choice taker.  And make your satisfaction its own reward.