God’s Provision

 25 years ago I met a new client couple, Kathy and Michael, introduced to me by our accountant friend, Jim.  They were charming and kind, and appreciative of my financial planning advice.

 25 years later we are fast friends, living 2,000 miles apart but connected in heart, soul, mind, and strength. 

We last saw each other in person for Michael’s 60^th birthday, and on that day met his family about whom they had spoken glowingly for years. Yet Michael and I communicate essentially daily… because our heart, soul, mind and strength connection morphed, some years ago, into a writing and editing collaborative.

Just this past Thanksgiving we had a special reason to be grateful, as our work had birthed Michael’s lifetime writing goal – the collection of a decade or more of weekly essays which he sends to hundreds of lucky recipients.  They are essays about life, and laughter, and faith, and foibles. They celebrate the things that unite us in hope, provoke us in predicament, and form is in faith. 

Upon final edit and publication, I felt an immediate sense of humble pride.  It was almost inexplicable, as we had worked on several books together prior to this particular set.  Yet there was something special about this milestone… it was Michael’s life work encapsulated, and it was the culmination of the progress in our writing/editing relationship.  When we began working together, my contribution consisted mainly of hunting for T’s to cross and I’s to dot. But by the time we had begun to work on what would become this 4-Volume set of Monday Mornings, we found ourselves collaborating on content, discussing emotional impact, and reframing important phrases to maximize reader understanding.  In his kind acknowledgement, Michael referred to the fact that I had set aside my own writing to act in the role of his editor and writing coach.  While such praise seemed like hyperbole, I was grateful I had been able to add value.

We were both exhausted when the set went to publication on Thanksgiving eve.  As I lay in bed, I became aware of something which had come over me in the last several months. In conjunction with my participation in producing the 4 Volume set of 4Ms, as I call them (“Michael’s Monday Morning Missives”), humbly aware of my modest part in that effort, I felt a stirring inside me that I had grown spiritually. And the growth on which I found myself focusing in particular was of my self-assessment of my own stature.

As many of you know, I was brought up in a Mediterranean family and culture, never married, nor did I ever have children. Somehow, despite whatever professional success I was able to have in my work life, I had always felt a sense of lack. Yet, in these last few months, I realized I had felt a sense of self-worth, encouraged by Michael’s trust in my work on this, his keystone project.

The true recognition that my heart and mind were filled with love and gratitude came when I was immediately inspired to send the 4 volume set to every one of the people in my family whom I love and who knows me well.

Why this urgency to put those books in their hands? Was it to encourage their spiritual growth? Not my role. Was it to help them recognize the real value of who I am? They know me and love me, but perhaps my excitement at this new role was a part of my motivation.

So why send them these gifts?

Because my gift is inspired by my love for them, my love for the work I have done, and my love for God.

During the course of our relationship Michael has, quite organically, assumed the role of my Spiritual Director. To say his skill set in that role is faith-filled and life-affirming is an understatement.  His faith walk aligns very much with mine, as we try and love God, love neighbor, and navigate this complicated world.

And so I brought these feelings to Michael. “Perhaps a woman,” I said, “can never feel like a child of God until she accepts her role in bringing life. And perhaps, in some small way, my participation in your work, especially this 4 volume set, has filled that lack in me, as I feel I have truly brought something to life. Further, your friendship and encouragement seems to have closed the gap in my own mirrored self-worth.” 

I added “I pause here because that series of facts chronicles the gift which you have given me, and for that gift I am eternally grateful. I believe, as I look back, that not only our years of work together, but our very friendship, is a living example of God’s Provision in my life.”

I had recently listened to two podcasts from which I had jotted down notes.  Both came to mind.

First, Magnus MacFarlane, founder of Mary’s Meals:

“God‘s provision is boundless. Whenever we ask people for help, we give them a chance to be generous, to share, to give their heart to the Lord in a way that, without having been asked, they never could have.”

And second, Jeremy Belsky with Spirit of Stewardship. In his message “Love, the Root of Goodness, is Sharing with Others,“ he had coined a term which resonated with me: “Joyful Generosity.”  

“Be joyful in giving. God loves a cheerful giver. Our need to love comes from the will of the Father for each of us, to joyfully share unselfish acts of love with one another. Love is truly the root of so much good God has blessed us with during our lifetime. Today, let us be a reminder of that love for others when Jesus shares with us ‘Love one another as I have loved you.’”

I told Michael I would incorporate these messages into my prayerful discernment.  Michael urged me with a series of questions for contemplation.

I promised to consider carefully his questions as to my inspiration to send this 4 Volume Set of Monday Mornings to those whom I love.  And, I must say, my discernment process around his insightful questions helped me uncomplicate, accept, and decouple much of my mind and heart’s wanderings.

Michael and I had a chance the next day to speak about this personal revelation of mine, and about a message I might send to accompany my gifts of books.  He suggested I might explain that the books aren’t merely about religion but life… life experiences that are unusual and somewhat captivating and often funny. He encouraged me to tell them what he always tells someone when he gives them a book –that you will never ask them if they have read from the books. But, he added, you hope one day they will sit on their shelves and maybe in a difficult time or even a time of monotony they might reach up and pull one of the volumes down and find the perfect essay to offer a different perspective or even a smile.

And now the spiritual direction, which I share with you as a reflection of how a superlative Spiritual Director (and I hope you have one) can aid, guide, and nurture with a patient, personalized approach. “Now, Michael said, “with regard to your own spirit, just be at peace having sent them. You don’t do things impulsively. Your spirit felt very strongly about sending these gifts out. You were faithful to your impulse and instinct. So that’s done and be at peace with it. Offer your gifts in prayer for the specific reaction you would like from each person. And be aware that what is unsettling you right now is that you don’t want a negative reaction that will somehow undermine your worth. Think about it, these books may be the most intimate gifts you have ever given people. You have made yourself very vulnerable in your expression of love through these gifts. Part of what you’re feeling is just the fear of your worth and love being stomped on. That is a fear of anyone who shares their faith or their heart. The bottom line is this, weigh whatever negative reaction you might feel against the possibility that one day these people will experience some things in life and you would wish you had done what you now have done.”  Finally, to punctuate and underscore, he added “Understand that I have some of the same fears every Monday when I send an essay out!”

Many of you have been encouraged by my writing role in retirement.  To you, I say “find your passion and latch onto it.”  Some of you have discussed with me your struggle in your search for faith.  My advice is to find a Spiritual Director, or a Life Coach, and air your concerns.  And I have had countless conversations with women and men whose self-worth has been overlooked, denied, or to use Michael’s term, “stomped on.” It is for you that I shared even my personal vulnerability through this message, and I welcome your questions, concerns, and feedback.

Finally, some of you (and you know who you are) will receive a heavy box of books containing over 1,600 pages of life and love and laughter, foibles and faith and formation.  Page through, read as you feel inspired, share as you feel stirred.  And most importantly… Know how much I love you. 

 

 If you’re interested in purchasing any or all of the 4-Volume set Monday Mornings:

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/michael-fox/monday-morning-volume-1/paperback/product-w8krzg.html?page=1&pageSize=4