EMOTIONAL ADDICTION

“There are physical addictions (addictions to substances that then begin to control us physically), and addictions to self-pity, which control our emotions. Our automatic reaction to not getting our way is self-pity.” 

-Joyce Meyer

Addiction can wreak havoc in the lives of many affected individuals. Joyce Meyer’s message is directed to those affected individuals actually falling into a type of addiction themselves – the addiction to self-pity. Therefore, I direct my message not to the addict, but to the person living with, or affected by, the addict. While that life circumstance is known as co-addiction, its perils and pitfalls, if not addressed, can lead to patterns of behavior easily categorized as addictive.

Co-addiction is, in many ways, an invitation to self-pity. If we allow it to be, it can be an open door to resentment, anger, and the emotional reactions that result from pitying ourselves. As we compare ourselves to others we wallow in self-pity, invoking the injustice of it all. Dwelling in self-pity characterizes life as neither just nor justified. And yet, the scales of justice are a balancing act of good and bad, pro and con. Noting only the negative differences caused by the effects of addiction in our lives ignores the positive people and circumstances that surround us every day.

So where can we dwell? I believe that dwelling in co-addiction and its negative emotions can be crippling. In every day of our life, there is good and bad. Dwelling in self-pity is a life sentence to forget the good, to ignore the “pros.” It is a directive to see only the bad, to magnify the “cons.”

And so I challenge you today to seek and find the “pros” in your life. They are the people who are in true recovery- bringing light, life, hope, encouragement, goodness and kindness everywhere they go. Are you paying any attention to them?  Or are you focusing only on the “cons…” the negative people, not in true recovery, who bring on the negative effects of co-addiction? Wouldn’t true justice demand an equal balance of consideration - taking the time to notice the people and circumstances in your life (including the recovering addict) exemplifying the benefits and the goodness of recovery?

I believe, if you have chosen to stay in a household where addiction has been present, true recovery only can begin for you when self-pity is eliminated as a “go to” emotion. Self-pity is eradicated through forgiveness, trust in your Higher Power, and self-control, all precepts of 12-Step living. Your recovery role models are all around you, and you can see by their lives that self-control, not self-pity, is a recipe for serenity.

Give it a try. You will give yourself, your loved ones, and your own future, the gift of stability and happiness, as no outside force will be able to control you. Doesn’t that seem like a path to enjoying every next day of your life?